A 7 or 8-year-old girl in one of my outside classes at an upper to upper middle class school kept hugging one of the little boys, making it impossible for him to practice for that day’s test. So I finally made her leave him alone.
As he ran through his kata, she began talking loudly with another little girl. She told her she wanted to marry the boy. Then, she said something that shocked me - “I want to have sex with him.” The little boy overheard her and asked, “Do you even know what that means?” I couldn’t hear her reply so I don’t know how she answered.
As soon as class was over, I reported the incident to a school official. They said a counselor would speak with her about it, which was my primary goal. But I also reported it to protect myself and my program at the school. If one of those involved, or someone who had overheard the exchange, later discussed it with their parents or other teachers, they might wonder what was going on in karate, where kids were talking about sex. Stories can also change as they get passed from person to person, or repeated by those who couldn’t quite make out what was actually said and filled in the blanks.
I consider it a good practice to always err on the side of being overly cautious. Always report anything sexual in nature, or that could be construed as sexual, to other trusted adults as soon as possible. If anything later comes of it, there will be others to nip it in the bud. And the sooner these types of things can be nipped, the better.
When I posted the subject of this blog series on my Facebook page (Mather Karateka), it elicited many responses, including several from senior instructors around the world. These men and women have lifetimes of experience teaching adults and children. Here are just a couple of their comments and recommendations:
“This is major and should be a worldwide issue...” – Hanshi Ronnie Colwell, one of our most respected and senior martial artists.
“My advice is never allow yourself to be alone with other people’s kids. There are a few (lots) of other advice but this one is the key.” – Sensei Andrew Paxton of New Zealand
“Parents and fellow instructors should use their common sense when it comes to a child's instructor. Does the instructor try to engineer situations where they are alone with a child? For example does he offer car pickups to that child? Does he chat to them in the changing rooms? Does he ask them about their personal life? When I taught children I was always vigilant not to ever be alone with a child and if a child needed their belt tied I would make sure plenty of people were present when I tied it - preferably parents. If I needed to correct posture I would do so without physical contact. What paedophiles and other offenders of that nature need is to engineer situations where they can be close to a child in private, then they will try to establish a relationship of trust with the child. Any good instructor will know that they must keep a safe distance (physically and emotionally) from a child in their care.” – Shihan Simon Keegan of the UK
All great advice from some very wise men!
Never allow yourself to be alone with a child in an area out of, or blocked from, public view. The private instruction room and office at my dojo has a glass door on it. That isn’t by accident. I intentionally had it installed for this very reason.
If your office door is solid and a student wants to speak with you, leave the door open. Or, have another person present to witness what transpires.
We must also be careful how we touch our students. We should never intentionally make physical contact with any inappropriate body areas or touch any area in an inappropriate manner, regardless of the gender of either party. Inappropriate body areas would include those on or around the hips, buttocks, genitals, lower stomach, and middle and upper parts of the inner thigh for males and these same areas plus the chest and upper stomach for females, whether child or adult.
How an instructor touches his students can also be inappropriate, even if away from the areas noted above. Students should not be touched in a caressing, sexually suggestive manner on any part of their anatomy.
Let me close for now. I’ll continue with this subject in my next post. Again, thanks for reading.
This post reminds me of hugging in my dojo. I have had students through the years that love to hug me good-bye after class. These are 4, 5 or 6 year old boys and girls. I always try to kneel down to take the hug rather than allow them to hug me while standing because their heads would end up on level with my groin otherwise.
ReplyDeleteIf I am caught off guard I quickly turn and take the hug on the side of my leg instead.
Good point. I do the same too. Plus, had several little guys around me once after a demo at a local school. One asked me a question. But they were all talking at once so I was distracted. Out of the corner of my eye I caught a movement. I turned my hips away just before he would have landed a punch in the groin.
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