We live at a time, at least in this country, when everyone bends far, far over backwards to make sure not a single person’s feelings are ever hurt, no matter how slightly. We can’t have failures feeling like failures, so what do we do about it? Well, we don’t do what we should, tell them the truth, that they need to get off their butts and put in the time and effort necessary to achieve success. No. What we do is tell losers that they are actually winners.
The upside of this approach is we now have a bunch of people who feel good about themselves in spite of their unaccomplished lives. The downside is they are thereby prevented from ever achieving real success – they are already successes, according to their parents and teachers, so what is there to achieve?
Self esteem is the buzz phrase du jour. It’s no longer restricted to just those who have actually done something to deserve it. Everyone gets to have it today, deserving or not. Mothers brag about how their little guy “tried his best”, even though he failed abysmally and performed far below his best. All that matters is that he made an effort, no matter how slight.
There’s an old saying that people fail for two reasons: one, they don’t even try. And two, they try and come up short. But I think there’s a third reason, one which probably explains most failures – people don’t try hard enough.
Too many today mistake familiarity with mastery. They think ten or a hundred reps are adequate to master a skill, when it takes hundreds of thousands, perhaps millions, to truly master a complex physical skill.
There are many things in life that require more than just familiarity and more than just an effort. Some things must be executed perfectly (or very close to it) the very first time. Among these are defending ourselves in life or death battles, parachute jumping, and perhaps catching arrows shot at a challenging speed and distance.
I’ll talk more on this and how it relates to the subject at hand next time. Thanks for your continued support.
We, as Sensei, are alone responsible for what we teach in our respective Dojo's. It is therefore our DUTY to make sure that each and every student perform to the very best of their own ability...not just "get by". If we do not assume this responsibility, they will go out in to the world believing that they actually "know something", and they will be in for the shock of their lives! In reality, if we let them simply "get by", they will only know enough to get themselves killed!
ReplyDeleteI know this will sound harsh, but we must refrain from caring from "caring" if their feelings are hurt. If they do not put in the time and effort to learn and execute the techniques properly and effectively, they must not advance until they do.
This is the way I have been trained in my Karate life, and this is the way I teach and pass it on in my Dojo. Old school yes...I may not have as many students as other Dojo's do, but the ones who stay will truly learn "The Way".
Osu!
I agree with you Hanshi. There is definitely a "not try hard enough" category.
ReplyDeleteOne of the most outstanding things I've noticed in the teaching style of CKA is the balance of reward vs failure. I've noticed that CKA will reward accomplishments, encourage (not molly coddle), and enforce control and discipline when needed.
The biggest mistake I've seen in any development program is an out of balance system. The development program may enforce or teach a specific, major part, but may not give the attention needed to the other parts that are also equally necessary.
I personally believe in finding the balance in everything in our lives. Even doing something healthy, like drinking water, can be taken to an extreme and kill you. Just think of the lady who was recently in the news, who had drank too much water, and died from it.
I believe we should care about one's feelings, but not to the point where it is detrimental to a person. Unfortunately as you mentioned, we as a society use "care" and/or "encouragement" as a way to ignore the problem, and make someone feel good at the same time - so as to keep the uncomfortable out of the situation. We ignore the elephant in the corner.
I also believe a lot of this started when real discipline became an illegal act. To give a little pain as an extra enforcement to detour an action that was way out of line, is now child abuse.
We have parents today who would literally watch their child beat the crap out of another child, and not only encourage their child, but join in - to help build their child's self esteem.
Unfortunately, due to the CURRENT system of government and the ignorance of the people who put them there, we seemingly have little chance of changing things back to the "right way". The truth is that we can do the best we can with what we have, and actively look for more ways in which to change our environment to a better one, and each and every person makes a difference in this.
We have become a people who have been fooled into thinking that we can live our lives without affecting another person's by living in our own little worlds. We ignore the problems and pretend they don't exist. We detach ourselves, and in reality, put on a false mask of caring, when in fact we don't really care at all.
Karate is one of the few systems I've seen that actually teaches real values and character to those willing to learn and accept it. It is this way because leaders like you have refused to give in to the pressures to change the system so that you can be more acceptable to the masses and earn a bigger profit because of it.
I am excited to see you touch on the subject of our nation's detachment to others, and our impending doom as we choose to put on a false "care".
I apologize for the length of this comment, and I could actually write a book on this subject. I hope everyone is doing well.
Ossu!
Thank you guys for your contributions and insights. I always cringe when I see students "graduating" from kindergarten in cap and gowns. Not sure why that image bothers me so much but I suspect it has something to do with parents or schools so desperate to reward even such an insignificant achievement. It smacks of parents and teachers with incredibly low expectations, which can become a self-fulfilling prophesy. I can't help but feel sorry for the poor little guys and suspect their destiny will somehow be damaged by such things. We need to hold the bar far higher. For me, teaching requires maintaining a complex balance between application of carrot and stick, especially when dealing with those damaged by an over abundance of too much positive feedback.
ReplyDeleteI like that analogy. Carrot and Stick balance. :P
ReplyDeletePersonally, and through my kids, I have been exposed to the education systems of France, Japan, and the US. In the first two, there is no such thing as positive reinforcement. Instead, you are constantly told how inadequate you are. "I've never seen a class like yours!" is what French students hear from their teachers, and it's never meant as a compliment. In Japan, when you try to master a martial art, calligraphy, or the Toyota Production System, the senseis keep telling you how hopeless at it you are, to test your determination. It is only in the US that there is constant praise and encouragement.
ReplyDeleteIn terms of producing competent, responsible, successful adults, I am not sure it makes much difference. The problems the different countries face, and the way their citizens go about solving them, is not primarily determined by their schools. In fact, the best that can be said about all these school systems is that they are incapable of preventing children from learning. I certainly don't see US schools -- at least as seen in Palo Alto -- as inferior to those of France or Japan. In fact, I find them slightly less awful.
Thanks, Michel, for your input. You've seen much from a unique vantage point. I've always felt the best approach for most people was positive reinforcement when earned and an absence of it when not. Occasionally, negative reinforcement is warranted, but I use it very sparingly. Thanks again.
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